Three lessons from 2018

So a new year is here and if feels as if the world is slowly getting back into rhythm. But, also easing into it, there’s no rush really. Time is only a concept we’ve made up anyway.

I love these slow days of reflection that the shift from one year to another brings. I’ve spent a lot of time in nature, off social media, with my loved ones and alone. New Years Eve was spent building a fire by the ocean followed by bubbles and crazy dancing all night. Balance is everything.

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I normally do vision boards and work through my core desire feelings for the year right away but I’ve noticed myself wanting to linger a bit longer in the reflection and introspection. I want to make sure I really learn the lessons last year brought me so I don’t have to do them again this year. Do you do that? Summarize your year in lessons? I believe our life is our classroom and we only get to graduate from one thing once we’ve learned the lesson. So here goes, three lessons from 2018.

Lesson #1: Self-love is an ongoing journey

I used to think that loving yourself is something you learn and they you stay in love with yourself for the rest of your life. Like there was an end destination to self-love and that I’d mastered it when I turned my life around in 2012. Maybe we cultivate a deep respect and some sort of acceptance of ourselves over time but the relationship sure shifts and changes, as any relationship does. I can be a really shitty friend to myself sometimes, questioning if I even like myself at all. And that’s okay. As soon as I become aware of it I notice myself softening a little bit, cutting myself some slack.

Body-love is the same thing. I’ve struggled with the way my body looks for as long as I can remember. But from being sick a lot when I was younger I’ve grown to deeply appreciate my body for its function and the great tool that it is for me to be able to experience what I want in this lifetime. In 2018 I dove into #healthateverysize, #bodypositivity and learned more about the fat phobia in our society and how that leads to everything but health for so many of us. But this too, of course, is a shifting and evolving issue. I accept that and love my body as best I can.

Some of the tools that I used a lot with myself last year and that really helped was actively turning up the volume of my inner best friend (listen to the episode From the Heart: Inner Critic part 1 from July 20th), learning self-soothing (placing my hands on my heart in an emotional storm and letting myself know I will be okay), going on dates with me (taking care of, hanging out with myself and treating myself to things that I love) and practicing the 24-hour rule (letting emotions move through me without making any big decisions for 24 hours).

I can talk about this forever and probably will more this year, as what I’m learning is integrating more and more. But for now, I’m grateful for learning that pressuring myself into loving myself fully everyday isn’t really love at all.

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Lesson #2: Alignment trumps hustle every day of the week

I started last year with a lot of focus on Law of Attraction and took a course with one of my main mentors, Jess Lively called Flow with intention. According to the law of attraction you attract what you’re a vibrational match for, whether you’re aware of it or not. Like when you wake up in a bad mood and then watch your whole day spiral downward from the bus driver being unfriendly to you tripping and breaking something, getting into a fight with your loved one and sending that nasty email to the wrong person. When other days you wake up in full alignment and the whole world is shiny roses and you love everyone and everything and they love you right back.

In flow with intention we learned to take responsibility for our own alignment and never acting until we are a vibrational match to what we want to attract into our lives. (Which in practice means, some days not doing much at all) As I started putting this into practice early in the year I witnessed so many things just falling into place. I got a new great HR consultancy gig that lasted through the year, so many new clients showed up out of nowhere, I got invited to several amazing trips and had hundreds of synchronicities (I don’t believe in coincidences) where I bumped into the right person and the right time, got signs from everywhere and experienced the longest stretches of pure bliss I’ve ever had. Meanwhile, I was working, stressing and hustling much less.

In the beginning of the summer I also got introduced to feminine leadership in a serious way through Nordic Womens Gathering. Feminine leadership is all about pleasure, intuition and staying in our bodies. When we lead from this place we have access to so much power that it will change the world.

My “good girl” is definitely still a part of my life and my hustling mentality still lingers but as I gather more and more proof of alignment and pleasure actually being so much more effective (when efficiency is even relevant) this is also toning down. Thank you 2018 for bringing me so much joy and gratitude through alignment and pleasure. I will forever bow to you for that.

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Lesson #3: Only now is real

Oh, well, I knew this, before and I still forget it a lot. I think this is another of these lessons that keeps growing on us as we dive deeper and deeper into it. As I’ve freed up so much time in my life since being my own boss I’ve reflected a lot on the concept of time. What it is and how we relate to it. And the funny thing is, the more I dig into it the less interested I become. Who cares about time? All we have is this moment. And this. And this.

I spent a big chunk of 2018 stressing over time. Over the fact that I’m getting older and still haven’t settled down and starting a family. I was fixating on a number for years and as it was approaching it I noticed myself getting more and more stressed and sad. Not living in the present at all. Missing a lot of magical moments because I was worrying about the future.

Eventually I had enough, and allowed myself to let go of the concept of time and just be in the moment of what was unfolding right now. And it was of course beautiful, as most moments are. My life quality returned as I did this. As corny as it sounds but a smell of a flower only exists in the now, a warm hug can only be felt when it happens, the sun on your face is only real as you feel it.

Thank you 2018 for teaching me that I can’t control time, I can only enjoy it, and if I don’t it will have slipped away forever. After all, a life is nothing but a long string of moments put together. All I can control is what I do with this one and practice trust when it comes to all the others ones.

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As I write this I’m being filled up with gratitude for life once again. Isn't it just fascinating, that we get to be here and do this and learn so much along the way. And know, forever, there’s so much more to unfold.

What where the biggest aha’s for you in 2018? What lessons where brought to you and what did you make of them moving into 2019?

With all my love,

Helena

Helena ÖnnebyComment