Accept judgement and criticism

Most people don’t really enjoy judgement or criticism. A lot of us are people pleasers that only want others to like us. Which, we also know, is practically impossible. But still we try, to fix, to adjust, to please. All because we don’t want the judgement or criticism.

But what if we could just accept that judgement and criticism is part of life? That it will happen to us whether we fight our whole lives to avoid it or we simply live our lives regardless of what other people might think?

It’s usually the resistance to whatever scares us that ends up hurting us more. Because what we resists persists. Which means, acceptance gives us freedom. Acceptance increases the possibility of the icky feeling moving through faster, and not lingering too long. Also, if we could accept judgement and criticism as part of life endless possibilities open up, we can do whatever we want!

Also, what other people think of you is none of your business, it’s their business. And it usually tells you a lot more about them, and how they’re suffering, than it tells you anything new about you.

Don’t be afraid of people not liking you. Some people just don’t. And they won’t. That’s okay. Focus on the ones that do love you, they deserve all of your attention.

With all of my love,

Helena

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What does support look like right now?

I heard one of my favorite mentors, Brene Brown, suggest this question on Marie Forleos podcast the other day.

People (read: me and you) are generally not very good at asking for help. In especially difficult times in our lives it’s also pressure added to come up with, ask for and delegate what we need help with to others. This question is so good to ask because it: 1) states that we are willing to give support 2) we take away the burden of saying yes to help.

Whenever this question is posed it gives an opportunity for the person being asked to go inward and check what is needed right now. It could be whatever; a hug, some space, help with buying food, permission to went, togetherness in silence, some advice, a lift somewhere…

Try it. Next time someone in your life is going through something hard, try simply asking: What does support look like right now? and for the extra ballsy, try asking yourself the same when you’re low. How could you support yourself in this instance?

With all my love,

Helena

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The cure for a busy mind

Everyone has about the same amount of thoughts in a day; somewhere around 65 000 of them. Yet, some people feel constantly overwhelmed by their monkey mind and a sense of no control over what's going on in there. What if the difference is only the quality of thought, not the amount? 

If your thoughts are mostly positive, constructive and light you probably don't experience the same overwhelm as if they're negative, destructive and dark, right? If this is the case, how could we lean more towards the lighter thoughts? 

I think meditation is one of the best tools there is for this kind of work. By regular meditation you train your mind to observe what's going on instead of getting kidnapped by them constantly. When you first observe you can also train to make conscious decisions on what kinds of thoughts to follow and which ones to let go of. 

What do you think? Does this reasoning make sense to you? 

With all my love,

Helena 

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Heaven and hell is right here

What if heaven and hell is nothing but a mind construct? What if they're both part of the human experience? What if we are so afraid to go to hell that we create hell right here? 

Some say religions are for people who don't want to go to hell and spirituality are for those who's already been. - Rob Bell 

This rings so true to me. I believe we can create heaven or hell right here. It's not about our circumstances, it's about how we perceive our circumstances. I gave up on religion partly because of the concept of hell. I don't think anyone deserves to go there, but I do believe that some people create it for themselves in this lifetime. For a while they drag others into their personal hell, but it's up to every individual whether they want to stay there or not. 

Heaven is right here. That's where I choose to live. 

With all my love,

Helena 

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Expanding time

Are you one of the many running around the hamster wheel longing for more time? Always in a loss for it? Never getting enough done on the limited time you have? 

What if you are creating your own lacking by affirming it? What if time would expand for you if you would just believe it could? What if time is a concept and a fantasy that we all have just agreed on? 

I experience it sometimes. Time expanding for me. The key for me is always presence. Intense presence. When I'm present with the moment it seems to expand for me. It lasts forever. Isn't that the truth anyway? The present moment will always be right there for you so if more moments, which multiplied will turn into more time, is what you want, all you have to do is be with it. 

Some say that time flies when you're having fun and it stops when you're bored. I say, time expands with presence. When you stop guilt-tripping about all the things you didn't do or worry about the things you won't have time to do, but stay with what is, you will always be provided with the time you need. 

Life happens in the moments. Time is just a concept of moments multiplied. Focus on the essentials. 

With all my love,

Helena 

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The choice is always yours

You always have a choice to decide how you want to react. You can always choose your perception.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. Viktor E. Frankl
 

Do you realize what potential lies in this? You never have to be a victim. I know, as humans, sometimes we do, but we don't need to stay there for long. Choose what you want to do with that space. It's never about the circumstances. There's plenty of people who has it all but still kill themselves because of their misery and more people with nothing who are perfectly happy with their life. 

We live in a society and time that tries to convince us that it's about the external stuff. Don't buy it. It's not true. 

With all my love,

Helena 

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Don't let your ego take over

We all have ego. It's neither good or bad, it just is. But we don't want our ego to run the show all together. 

I did a high profile project recently. Right after I felt a sting of disappointment with myself. My ego laser focusing on the details I could have done differently. The things I should or shouldn't have said. So tiring. I realized this was my ego being caught up in a loop, chewing on its favorite chew toy, my performance and perfection. 

So, I deliberately chose to change focus. What was the feedback from the audience? How did my client feel about my delivery? Did I help someone? And foremost, did I do my best from my current circumstances? Was I aligned with my intuition? Was I acting out of love? Genuine appreciation, happy, yes, yes yes, yes. 

Your ego is there and will always be, but practice witnessing it, and, if it's all you learn to do, don't believe every word it says! 

With all my love,

Helena 

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Use all of your potential

Only 5% of our awareness is conscious, working in the logic and rational left brain. 95% is unconscious - 95%! Logic thinking, rationalizing and analyzing are not always the smartest thing to do, honestly it's rarely the smartest thing to do. When we unleash our full potential, our intuition, our emotional intelligence, our silent experience and knowledge - that's where the magic happens. 

This is something I need to remind myself of often. I'm so caught up in my left brain all the time. Sure, I meditate and do yoga daily, and in those instances I leave the left brain out. I spend time in nature and I go on silent retreats where I dwell in the unspoken wisdom of my soul. But still, in my daily life, when going about my day, I'm so entangled. 

I practice letting go. I practice surrendering. I practice being more than doing. Feeling more than thinking. I practice. I'm far from there. But practice makes perfect, right?

How much time are you spending in your limited 5%? 

With all my love,
Helena

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We all have self-worth issues

I heard the brilliant JP Sears say this:

"There are two different kinds of people in this world; those of us who have self-worth issues, and those of us who are in denial of having self-worth issues. It makes us human."

I do believe that this is true. Whatever issue we have in life, when we really drill down to it, we always get to the same root, self-worth. Either we deny ourselves love because we don't believe we deserve it or we deny others love because we believe we need to prove our worth by positioning ourselves against others. Whatever the case we're choosing fear over love and that's always what hurts us and other people. 

If we could just all remember that this is part of the human condition and whenever we do something to hurt ourselves or others, it's because of our own self-worth issues, we might stop resisting it and start working towards loving ourselves and others a little more freely. 

Are you aware of your self-worth issues and actively working on resolving them whenever they show up in your life or are you in denial? Let's all work on it together. 

With all my love,

Helena 

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Use these three powerful questions on yourself

Where am I today? 

Where do I want to be? 

What's stopping me? 

These are three really powerful questions that can get you a long way on your own. Sure, a coach will help you by reflecting back and drilling down to the root by asking more questions, but still, you can get far with just these. Here's an example for you:

Where am I today?

I'm not happy with my job and really want a more fulfilling profession. 

Where do I want to be? 

I'd like to wake up Monday morning feeling like I really long to get to work and get started. I want to feel like what I do really matter. I want to get challenge and support in a good balance. I want to have the freedom to be creative. 

What's stopping me? 

  • I don't know what work could be that fulfilling.

  • I'm afraid of changing careers and what if I fail.

  • I don't know what my passion is. 

So, there you have it. Next steps are generally defined, although they might need to be a bit more specific. Remember, your obstacles are not really obstacles, but to-do's, so get to work. Research different careers and talk with family and friends, work on your self-esteem or get a coach to help you figure out your passion. It's all there. You know what you need to do. 

With all my love,

Helena

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What do you need in order to heal?

How often do you ask yourself that question? We so often look outside for answers that reside inside. No one else knows you how you do. No one else knows your body better than you. 

Sometimes when I mention this people get scared; No, that's not right, my doctor knows what I need and how to fix this. My therapist knows how to make me feel better. My mum knows what to do. This expert just wrote an article on the subject. 

I'm sorry to break it to you; you can't delegate the responsibility for your own life to anyone else. Sure, doctors, therapists, mums and experts may have more current information on the subject, they may have experience that you don't and they may be particularly wise, but still, the responsibility stays with you. And sometimes, most times, you know what you need. 

Take advice, information and insight from others, and then, ask yourself: What do I need in order to heal? 

With all my love,

Helena

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Ask for what you want

Every thought you think is a request to the universe. If you believe in the law of attraction this is how it works. Or, more precisely, you need to trigger the emotion of what you want, not only think it. But still, focusing on lack, attracts more lack. 

We don't need to be in full positive thinking every waking hour of the day, because that's not realistic, we're human after all. But in your "in-between" time, when you're not upset about something and neither super happy, watch your thoughts and emotions triggered by them. 

As long as you keep on focusing on the job you're not happy with, the relationship you don't have or the money you're lacking, this is what you're attracting more of. Spend your downtime daydreaming about all your dreams coming true. Re-align yourself by appreciating the small stuff in your everyday life and take a dip in the gratitude jacuzzi.

Watch your mind as it wanders and redirect it to an abundance mindset. This is true, there is enough for everyone! Ask for what you want and act as if it's already yours. 

With all my love,

Helena

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